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  • Writer's pictureIrving Najman, LMFT, CSAT

Sex and Spirituality

Updated: Apr 7, 2021

These two words, Sex and Spirituality, are weighted with a lot of energy, sometimes with negative energy. They are mysterious, misunderstood, and misused. They are words that we grew up with, we heard or read about them, but we were never taught the real meaning of them and how to embrace and welcome our sexuality & spirituality. They are often words that we do not associate as being complementary; if anything we often think that they are incompatible.

So, let us unpack them.

Sex – From the moment that you entered this world, it was a sexual event. You emerged from the comfort of your mother’s womb through the birth canal. The same place that your parents came together in a sexual moment and, with the help of The Creative Energy of the Universe, created you. Your first sexual experience is a memory that many of us do not recollect, and most probably do not consider it as a sexual experience. It is the time when you, as a baby, were suckling at your mother’s breasts. You may be asking yourself; how can you consider that a sexual experience? That moment is a time when a mother is connecting with her child, creating a bond, and comforting and nurturing that child. That is exactly why it is a sexual experience, sex is about connecting, bonding, comforting, and nurturing yourself and your partner.

Growing up as a child, you might have received a lot of misguided and negative messages about sex. You might have heard “we don’t talk about sex,” or “sex is dirty,” or “you shouldn’t have sex until you’re married.” As a teenager entering puberty and discovering your body, you might have been shamed about your curiosity and exploration of your body and were told “you should be ashamed of yourself” or “you’ll go blind if you keep doing that” or “good boys don’t do that.” In any case, sex became a taboo and therefore more alluring. Something that you did in secrecy but already filled with shame.

As you grew up and with the onset of the Internet, the allure of sex became more powerful and you started having more sex to satisfy the curiosity and obsession of not knowing. The not knowing is because you were never taught what healthy sexuality is.

Let us talk now about Spirituality.

Spirituality – Most people when asked about spirituality often associate it with religion and sometimes use them interchangeably. Spirituality and Religion are quite different but relatable to each other. The Oxford Dictionary defines Religion as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, especially a personal God or gods. Religion is also a set of rules and guidelines given to humankind for them to know how to conduct themselves morally and ethically. Religion can also play a role for humans to have a common place to congregate and connect spiritually.

Spirituality, as defined by the Cambridge Dictionary, is the quality that involves deep feelings and beliefs of a religious nature. The Collins Dictionary defines it as relating to people’s thoughts and beliefs, rather than to their bodies and physical surroundings. In other words, spirituality is something that you feel internally rather than something that you read or learn from others. It is something that you are born with, it is innate in you, it is not something that you were taught. We are all spiritual!! As Pierre Teilhard de Chardin stated, “We are not humans beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.”

So, what happened? Similar to your sexuality, you might have formed negative beliefs and associations about spirituality because of your religious experiences. You might be disheartened around spirituality because religion was something that might have been forced upon you rather than being taught that religion and spirituality can be a way to comfort, nurture, and connect with your Higher Power and others…just like sex.

This is where the two worlds of Sexuality and Spirituality merge. We are all sexual beings. Sex in its simplest form is an act of procreation and satisfaction of our animal instincts. But we are also all spiritual beings, so when you combine sex with your innate spirituality, then it becomes an act of connection, comfort, nurturing and love. Sex in its original, purest form is the only way that two divine souls are able to connect physically. Sex is enjoyable. Sex is beautiful. Sex is love. Sex is Spiritual!!

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